What do you do when your 13-year-old daughter is a social media sensation for making a complete ass of herself on national television for a Dr. Phil episode called I Want to Give Up My Car-Stealing, Knife-Wielding, Twerking 13-Year-Old Daughter Who Tried to Frame Me for a Crime? You make a GoFundMe, of course!
If you’re wondering who the hell Cash Me Outside Girl is, listen, I’m not here to explain the entire Internet to you. But here you go:
Alright, so, since she appeared on Dr. Phil, young Danielle Bregoli has been hard at “work” trying to make the most of her 15 minutes, of which approximately 30 seconds remains. She’s trying to negotiate a reality show deal because Lord knows what our televisions need is more documentaries on human trashcans. I’m looking at you, Kardashian family. And while she’s charging thousands for public appearances (! y’all have more money than sense, I swear), her dad has taken to GoFundMe to e-beg for $50k to save his estranged daughter.
I’m reaching out to the world, humbly, as a father that was estranged from my daughter, Danielle, as a result of parental alienation. I have always taken care of her financially but was denied the opportunity to truly be a present parent and influence her life. As a result, Danielle and her future have been compromised with the lack of the love and guidance a child needs to be able to flourish in this world. I’m asking for help with covering fees associated to legal expenses to get her the proper help she needs to be able to have a happy and healthy life in a stable home with a strong positive future.
Listen, Pops, that window has closed. If you always took care of her financially, then you should have no problem paying your own legal bills. Maybe hit her up and ask can you borrow a few bucks, she’s supposedly making $30k per appearance.
I’m just going to leave this here. Someone please let me know when we can colonize Mars, I want off this planet.