Since 2000, David Stevens has been a registered sex offender thanks to a momentary lapse of judgment that caused him to be convicted of sexual penetration of a minor under the age of 13. He was well over 30 years old at the time, so this isn’t like one of those cases where a 17-year-old is branded for life because he sent dick pics to his 15-year-old girlfriend, this is like legit kid-touching stuff. He also got in trouble as recently as 2011 for taking an upskirt photo of a girl at a gas station in Albuquerque because that’s something normal people totally do.

Anyway, tussles with the law aside, it seems Stevens also has a dream in his heart to publish children’s books because hey, what self-respecting child rapist doesn’t want to work with kids in one way or another amiright?

That’s where his GoFundMe comes in [archive here]. Since late 2015, Stevens has — quite unsuccessfully I should add — been asking the internet for $1500 to follow his dreams right from the sex offender list to a child’s bookshelf near you.

He writes:
I need to raise $1200 to pay for the self publication of two children’s picture /poem books.
As many as 18 more books will follow and will be funded in part with royalties from previous book sales
David recently moved to
Fort Lauderdale Florida

I like that “recently moved to Fort Lauderdale Florida” bit, like he’s totally used to having to announce this at regular intervals throughout his life. Probably because he’s a sex offender, maybe.

KOB in Albuquerque recently put this dude on blast, calling children’s book author “a questionable career for a convicted child rapist.” Ya think? I’m surprised he’s not applying to open up a Head Start franchise in his neighborhood because why not, makes about as much sense as this guy who literally raped a child writing books for children.

They tried to reach Stevens with no luck, and are waiting to hear back from Florida police on whether this guy can even legally write books geared toward children since he’s convicted of raping one and all.

We’ll update if we hear any more, but in the meantime, leave you with this passage from Stevens’ A Fish Who had a Wish:

A Fish Who had a Wish

Once upon a time there was a little guppy fish who lived out in the ocean blue and had a great big wish
He knew not what to say or do, he knew not what to try
so he wished upon a starfish fish but I he starfish asked him why
“Why did you wish your wish on me, your wish I cannot grant.”
“I cannot make your wish come true, I want to, but I can’t”
“You should ask the big blue whale down at the southern tip”
“He lives down on the ocean floor inside a sunken ship”
So the guppy left to find the whale along the ocean floor
to ask the whale to grant his wish “that’s all I’m asking for.”

Oh and relevant side: Facebook has strict rules against convicted sex offenders using FB. They let all kinds of crap fly on their platform but this is one thing they totally take seriously. Follow this link if you are so inclined to report Stevens.