You know, people often accuse me of being too skeptical and — dare I say — a total asshole when I question events such as the one I’m about to share with y’all. That’s fine, I have about three feelings left in this lifetime and I’m not about to waste them on people I barely know accusing me of being an ass because I question the world around me. Alright. Off to Texas we go.

On December 16, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported in BIG GIANT LETTERS that “a family in Denton woke up one night this week to find its vehicles set on fire and a racial slur spray-painted on the garage door.” Oh, the horror.

Racial slurs Denton TX

The Star-Telegram got their story from this Dallas Morning News story with an equally GIANT headline about vandalism. Again, oh, the horror.

Denton fire

Well shit. This is a horrible situation. People are running around out there writing NIGGER-LOVERS on garages and shit. Except they weren’t. This guy wrote it on his own damn garage.

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A friend of the family put up a GoFundMe campaign after the alleged but totally obvious fake incident and wrote the following with the most adorable picture of the family attached:

David Williams Gofundme

OMG these adorable Aryans I can’t even!

This morning between the hours of 3-4 am someone set a fire to a family work vehicle, and motorcycle. Also, vandalized the garage with spray paint….. The family doesn’t have the money to fix the truck, motorcycle and the garage. The truck was only covered by state minimum coverage. The insurance company is fighting them on actually being covered. I am asking this to help out this wonderful family in time of need. The kids won’t be able to have anything under the Christmas tree due to this horrible act. Please of you find it in your heart please donate what you can to help this family of 6 out.

Denton TX vandalism fire

They hadn’t already gone Christmas shopping? Sorry but if my vehicle is burned down to the floorboards, Christmas is the last thing on my mind.

So shortly after all that with the papers reporting on the vandalism and the GoFundMe and all that, the dad finally came clean and admitted he himself painted “nigger lovers” on the side of his own garage. Dude. What the fuck is your problem.

Racist graffiti Texas

The Star-Telegram additionally reported before the incident was proven to be total bullshit:

The Williamses and their four children live in a racially diverse neighborhood, according to CBS 11, and they told the local TV news station that they hadn’t heard that someone was offended by their relationships with people of other races.

“Thank you for announcing to the world I’m not racist,” Jenny Williams said in an interview with CBS 11.

Jenny wrote in her blog that though her family is white, this is considered a hate crime.

“It just so happens that we aren’t as racist as someone would like us to be,” she wrote.

His wife Jenny posted an update on Facebook regarding the incident, and informed everyone that donors would be refunded after GoFundMe subtracts its usual fees.

Texas truck vandalism

The GoFundMe campaign is still active as of press time, and reached $5,155 of a $5000 goal.

That “fake news” everyone is worried about? Here it is. And it’s unhinged white guys in Texas spray-painting “Nigger Lovers” on their own garage door. Jesus Middle-Eastern brown Christ I can’t even. This is what we’ve come to.

Update: the campaign has been removed.

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