Today in Absolute Piece of Dog Excrement News: Police in Michigan are investigating a woman who they believe faked breast cancer for more than a $30,000 gain on GoFundMe.

Candace Streng is accused of scamming her loved ones into believing she was suffering from stage four breast cancer to the tune of $31,645 on GoFundMe since April 2017. Naturally, her friends are equal parts devastated and outraged.

“We were recently informed that our ‘friend,’ Candace lied for several years about struggling with stage four breast cancer. We let her into our homes, our families and our checkbooks. We had no prior knowledge of her deceit and are fully cooperating with the investigation. We sincerely hope Candace gets the help she so desperately needs,” said a group calling themselves Candace’s South Lyon Play Group (via WXYZ).

A news story in the Detroit Free Press dated May 2017 states that Strong “has been battling breast cancer for three years and has exhausted treatment options. Surgeries and several kinds of chemotherapy drugs have not stopped the invasive ductal carcinoma from spreading like wildfire.”

Streng has not yet been charged with a crime, though criminal proceedings are expected. In the meantime, law enforcement is working with GoFundMe to refund donors for this very rare thing that definitely so rarely happens [insert extreme eyeroll here].

Strong told the Free Press last May that she was trying to live her life “doing my best every day and practicing self-compassion and mindfulness.” If this is her best, I hate to see what’s her worst.